When There is Nothing to Lean On

New beginnings… Sometimes the bends in the road creep up at you so unexpectedly on the life’s path! Before you even realize what has happened, you find yourself in a completely new place, doing something you haven’t done before in your life, and you were not even planning on doing it at this time!

I am currently living this experience. Before I even realized, I found myself literally in the middle of nowhere, in the northeastern corner of rural Oklahoma, in a little town, called Grove, surrounded by a beautiful lake. It is still hard to believe that Oklahoma Academy, which I called my home for the last almost 8 years, ever since I came from Lithuania, is not quiet my home anymore. It is unbelievable to be at the place that I never even knew of!

And here I am, renting a small two bedroom apartment together with one of my classmates from nursing school, in the outskirts of little town of Grove, and working at this tiny two story town hospital as a nurse.

As I sit on the floor of my apartment (still don’t have any furniture), I am trying to understand, what, after all, God is trying to do with my life.  In my melancholy mood, with the teary eyes, I am trying to understand, why God took away - so rapidly - my closest friends in whom I could confine my thoughts, fears, needs from my immediate circle, and from places I knew and felt comfortable at. Why did He place me in the place I hardly or not at all know anybody, placed me on this floor, at this particular apartment of this tiny little town to work at this little hospital. At one of those melancholy times one of my best friends shared something with me, that encouraged me:
"I was shown a cluster of trees, standing near together, forming a circle. Running up over these trees was a vine which covered them at the top, and rested upon them, forming an arbor. Soon I saw the trees swaying to and fro, as though moved by a powerful wind. One branch after another of the vine was shaken from its support, until the vine was shaken loose from the trees, except a few tendrils which were left clinging   to the lower branches. A person then came up and severed the remaining clinging tendrils of the vine, and it l    lay prostrated upon the earth. 

Many passed and looked pityingly upon it, and I waited anxiously for a friendly hand to raise it; but no help was offered. I inquired why no hand raised the vine. Presently I saw an angel come to the apparently deserted vine. He spread out his arms and placed them beneath the vine, and raised it so that it stood upright, saying: "Stand toward heaven, and let thy tendrils entwine about God. Thou art shaken from human support. Thou canst stand, in the strength of God, and flourish without it. Lean upon God alone, and thou shalt never lean in vain, or be shaken therefrom." 

As I saw the neglected vine cared for, I felt inexpressible relief, amounting to joy, I turned to the angel and inquired what these things meant. Said he: "Thou art this vine. All this thou wilt experience, and then, when these things occur, thou shalt fully understand the figure of the vine. God will be to thee a present help in time of trouble" Life Sketches of E.G.White pg.176.

Only in times like that, where there is nobody around me to lean on, or talk to, feeling alone, stressed from the pressures of ever increasing school load, and feeling overwhelmed adjusting to the my new unexpected job,  God is calling me to lean upon Him, and Him alone. As I sit on this carpeted floor (God is good J, the floor is not hard!), He is calling me, so He can spend precious moments with me! The King of the universe, my Father and my Friend, wants to spend a quality time with ME… He missed me… He wants to reveal to me, that nobody and nothing else, but He alone can be leaned upon.  He alone can be trusted…. And only He alone can wipe away those tears, and understand my deepest thoughts, needs and desires.

 And then the smile comes on my still wet from tears face… God sent me on a new adventure!And sky is the limit, of many possibilities for which He has possibly sent me here for. The only thing He requires of me right now, is to do nothing else, just to lean on Him… 

As I lift my face to Him, all I can say, is: “Father, I surely can do that much for You...In fact, right now, ALL I can do, is to helplessly lean on You…  I know that you have beautiful dreams for me, and the circumstances I am in right now, are just the first step in fulfilling those dreams in my life. You never before disappointed me, why should I fear? You have proven yourself over and over again in my life to be trustworthy. All I can do is to continue to trust in You”.