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      Laying in my bed, and trying to understand, why does my body have to wake up at 4:20 AM even when there is no work to get ready for, no papers to write. I want it to sleep longer…

      I am so happy there are no papers to write and projects to prepare for a whole month! One semester is finally over, and I am halfway through my RN-to-BSN program. That makes me smile. I already see a faint, pin point light at the end of the tunnel!

       Last 4 months… they seemed like eternity! So many changes have taken place, so many things happened. I lay and contemplate on the past for a moment....

       Many tears shed, many times “why, Father?” asked…  I am amazed that I got though it all…I know I would never have…. Looking back at the path, I see only one set of footprints behind, and I have no questions, why. I was carried by the loving hands of my Father…. Tears of gratefulness fill my eyes. “Why are though cast down, O my soul? And why are though disquieted within me? Hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God” (Ps. 43:5). This promise has carried me though those few last months and encouraged me to push forward even when there seemed no hope ahead. Yes, my soul was cast down at times and I feelt unrest, as I have been walking through the valleys of trials and darkness. And I am still in that valley. More trials are ahead of me…But I rejoice now, and praise Him, because somehow, it all makes sense now. I still don’t understand reason and purpose for all what is happening in my life, but somehow I have assurance that God is working everything together for my own good and for my happiness. He wants to pattern my life after His, because that is the only thing that will make me truly happy and satisfied.  

      Back to work tomorrow… I am not ready to face cranky doctors, pain stricken patients, and demanding family members again… That is something that nursing school has not prepared me for… And I would be ready to quit it all right now, if I was doing this work for myself. But it is not about me… I am on a mission to be the channel of God through which He wants to transform the darkness, misery and pain into light, happiness and comfort. What a privilege, I have to be His channel!

     No matter what tomorrow brings, I have assurance that He will carry me though it on His arms, and all I want is to “praise Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God”